The heartfelt email I received from G.T. (name supplied) was simply entitled "knowing".

G.T. "I feel that I've been on this journey too long and yet I know there is only one step involved in it.

Sometimes the writings of those who know bring about a small revelation but most of the time I feel sadness followed by a desire to release something.

I am tired of knowing that I don't know. Being trapped in an illusion is pretty bad but knowing your trapped in an illusion is much worse.

I feel like I need a teacher to give me a push but Idon't know how to go about it. "

G.T. I feel that I've been on this journey too long and yet......

Know that your journey is over: "Enlightenment is at hand!" Or as it has been put so acutely by the Master "Heaven is less than a hair's breadth away!" So where can you now in reality journey to?

Awakening aspirants (i.e.those with the unbridled inner longing for God or enlightenment) understandably feel that they are on a road or pathway (or upon reflection "a journey") - yet it is so easy to become entrapped upon such a path. They feel alone and their aloneness at times becomes most painful.

The awakening seeker becomes the discontented "lost sheep". He or she leaves society's sleepy, dream state of contentment "flock" and wonders upon his or her journey or pathway seeking liberation. The wolves are the dogmas and doctrines coupled with the false teachers and Gurus who, if allowed, will surely ensnare and devour the lost sheep. To seek the Guru or teacher at such a time is most understandable, yet the true teacher can and will, only attempt to lead aspirants back to their true selves.

When a true master says follow me, they mean "be as me" - or "follow my example". They guide not control.

This is so beautifully illustrated in both Luke and Mathew:

"As they were walking along the road, a person said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

Seekers upon the path can become so easily attract and become entrapped in doctrines and belief systems. The religious dogmas and their associated enticing rituals, the (false) sense of security that one feels, can become so addictive - yet, in reality, there exists no place to lay one's head. The head - the mind - is but the conglomeration of thoughts, of conditioning, of judgements past.

Home is enlightenment and enlightenment happens only when the mind is transcended. Thus the saying "if you meet the Buddha upon the road "Kill" him!" The Buddha or Christ can only be met within - never without. The outer Buddha is but an illusion, so one needs to even "kill" the apparition. The pathway or "the way" is used as a technique to narrow the unlimited scope of the senses to a defined and manageable medium. Yet this narrow band is still illusion and eventually, this too must be dropped.

You say "I know there is only one step involved " and of course in essence you are correct. A pathway by definition cannot lead to totality - it is merely yet another illusion. The pathway obviously excludes all else (other than "the" pathway) and hence must be not only partial but also divisive. As you can observe in the world, such divisiveness between those stuck in their dogmas upon their respective pathways of illusion create much conflict and suffering.

Similarly a journey implies duration yet enlightenment is beyond time. A journey or pathway implies limited spatiality yet from Self to Self there is, and can be, no gap. The one and only step is from the illusion of the outer to the Real Self of the inner. From the awareness of "I am that" to the awareness of "I am that I am" to the awareness of simply "I am". Finally even the "I am" drops as the self merges with totality.

Even the term "step" does not describe the actuality. There is some intentional control or decision in a step and such a decision is of the mind. With total surrender a "fall" is more descriptive. One falls into grace or falls into love or bliss or enlightenment. It is a fall from the head to the spiritual heart. A spiritual fall can happen only when the mind is no longer in control.

Know that your journey is over - the only knowing you need is the constant spiritual heart beat of "I am". From the "I am" all awareness develops. You are one with totality - you are totality. There is no place to go where you are not.

G.T. Sometimes the writings of those who know bring about a small revelation but most of the time I feel sadness followed by a desire to release something. I am tired of knowing that I don't know.

It is the beginning of wisdom to know that you don't know is it not? The mind must become tired and fatigued (and sad). The mind is memory and all thoughts are of the past. They are dead - and are certainly not "knowing". Knowing is a present tense verb - it is an action word. Knowledge is a dead noun of the past and of the mind. All writings, and that of course includes my writings, are knowledge - they are past - they are dead. It is impossible to write about "knowingness". It is impossible to write in the now.

Words are symbols which attempt to describe experiences of the past. The revelations you describe are your own knowingness. Inspired writing may trigger this inner knowingness. But don't attempt to hold on to your newly discovered wisdom. The ego mind will say "hey that's right - that's true - let's organise and remember this profound revelation. You are so "knowledgeable". No, merely allow it to surface and disappear into the ethers.

You cannot possess knowingness. The bowl must be kept empty. See it like smoke drifting ever upwards and assimilating with totality. If you block the chimney with the ego mind the smoke can never become the raging ever burning volcano of truth - which is your true nature. Where there is smoke there is fire and the fire I talk about does not even compare the fire of the sun to the fire of a candle. A million, million suns could not even be a comparison.

So drop all yearning to know via the mind - it simply won't ever happen. Know that you know now! Everything you perceive is you ("I am that") and must be so as you are the centre of your observed consciousness. As mentioned, ultimately the constant spiritual heart beat of "I am" is all that is needed to uncap the volcano of Self.

G.T. Being trapped in an illusion is pretty bad but knowing you're trapped in anillusion is much worse.

The illusion you speak of can only be dispelled by self awareness. Self Awareness (consciousness) is the key to unlock the door that entraps you. All exterior sensations are within time thus false. You (the real Self) are standing on the river bank observing the flow - however the mere awareness that you are not the flow (of illusion), but the observer to such flow, frees you from the false. Stay detached - no need to be part of the flow. The self knows that the flow ends up in the ocean of self anyway - so observe the Lazarus's joke of creation (or the dance of Krishna) and be happy.

G.T. I feel like I need a teacher to give me a push but I don't know how to go about it.

Mmmm - an exterior Teacher will only ever be an apparition of your own construct. Know that you may by desire draw the teacher into your life - place such teacher onto a false pedestal - (which is merely lowering your own self esteem in your mind) - and even this for a while, may be soothing or challenging to your troubled mind, however the inner yearning to move on and proceed upon the pathway will eventually demand attention and you will be back where you started. The enlightened can only say "All you see of me is but a reflection of your own self" so look within where the seat of all questions lie.

Love always,

Charles Goodwin


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